Feeling sleepy

My daughter loves to sleep.  Who doesn't.  Recently though - and I am certainly playing the timeline down - I have welcomed her into my bed.  My husband travels a lot.  He is often away for 2 or 4 weeks.  So I told myself that a bit of company was allowed.

When was the last time you slept with a baby in your bed?  They roll and thrash about like fish out of water.  They wake you in the middle of the night with fears of them falling off the bed.  But mostly, they cuddle.  They love.  They make wonderfully uncomfortable sleeping companions.

The problem is that now, my daughter prefers to sleep with me.  And dad.  And that doesn't work so well.  In comes the super scary sleep training.  I suspect that this is where nerves of steel come into play.  Or wine.  Or ice-cream. Whatever you need.  Because listening to a crying baba for 10minutes at a time feels like 10 hours.  Torture.  Madness.

Today is day 5.  Watch this space!

debunking the top bunk

Yes, it's a mouthful.  And, if I'm honest, a headfull.  My head is full of swirling advice and timelines and calendars.

By 10 months, your baby should be able to...........WHAT?  And what if she is not.  I was a late bloomer.  So what if she doesn't walk at 9 months like the neighbours' kid.  So what if she still wobbles when she stands, or doesn't have 7 teeth yet?  Have you met my daughter, mr yardstick?  She is friendly, makes brilliant conversation, sleeps through the night and is able to entertain herself for long stretches of time.  And she loves.  She loves with big eyes and a (5tooth bearing) smile that can melt any heart.

She is healthy and tall and happy.  So what if she doesn't leg it across the room.  Yet?

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Anybody out there?

I recently read a blog.  I love to read blogs.  This particular one generally makes my day.  It covers at least 2 of my favourite topics.  Food and babies.

This post asked a question.  It made me think.  It asked how many children you'd like to have.  Wow.  Seems a bit loaded, don't you think?  Well, maybe.  But it also suggested that the answer was more of a heart decision than a head one.  You know how 2 kids fit in a car.  It makes sense.  The author, a mom of 2, then carries on and says that she still feels like there is another baby out there.  A part of her that is still missing.

It had me analysing - how many babies would I like to have?  Who decides?  I have many girlfriends who would love more children, but their husbands disagree.  Sometimes I feel like I'd have a thousand more children, just so I can have those first magical moments with them.  I love being a mom.  I love carrying babies under my heart, as my mom says.   I love nursing.  It feels like I finally know what I want to do.  And whilst being a mom is often not enough (I absolutely have days of self-doubting pity), for now, I find myself thinking and searching for the other ones.  The ones that are still out there.

Sundays

We have a ritual.  A habit.  It's a weekend thing.  We like to go for breakfast.  And then plan our late afternoon lunch.  And, before we head home, we drive around.  Our plan is not to get our baby to sleep (thats a bonus).  We do not have extra, company paid for fuel to waste.

We drive around with the aim of refreshing our castles in the sky.  Some people have the most incredible houses on the beach.  The best view.  We pretend that these are our houses.  We see our family there.  We even build our family there.

And then we go home, watch TV, laze about.  We complain about life.  We make tea.  We plan our lives.  We get sucked into the proverbial blues.  And then we realise that we have so much to live for.  We make soup.  We watch more TV.  We feel energised.  We sleep.

And on Monday, we start to look forward to the next delicious Sunday.

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Jelly

Something happened to me today.  I am not entirely sure at what moment.  I am not even really sure how to word it.  I was going about my day, having a coffee, doing groceries, the usual.  Suddenly, a wave of the most serious emotion smacked me in the face.  Scary stuff.

And, even though I am still unsure what bought this on, I know who or what this emotion got aimed at.  My daughter.   My little gorgeous, precious gift.  It's like I saw her for the first time.  Her little hands, her little smile.  As if I wasn't blown away enough before.  I now walk around scared of how much I feel.  Scared that I will squish her, I am so strong with love.

It's a little bit like being drunk, I suppose.  Feeling a bit unstable.  A little bit wobbly.  Wibble wobble, wibble wobble, jelly on a plate.

Hold your breath

Today is a beautiful day.  Seriously.  For the first time in weeks, the sun is shining.  It's bright outside. It's a new day.  Full of blessings and promise.  And I am holding my breath.

See, it's not only the first sunshiny day in a while.  It is also the day of a very special wedding.  My very special friends' wedding.  I cannot wait for the beauty, the celebration and the emotion of it!

And - because of the beauty that I simply can't miss, it is also the first time I will be leaving my baby with her grandparents.  Over night.  I know that she will be fine.  I know it.  They are parents.  They have done it all before.  (Insert pep-talk here)

Breathe out.........

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Flipping mirror

I have decided.  It's a new year (yes, I know it's March already) and I need to do some tidying.  De-cluttering if you will.  I have already sorted through my daughters cupboard and I have amazing plans to sort out my study.  But the kind of fixing I am more in need of right now is a bit more tricky.  You see, I am in need of a new mirror.  Not entirely sure where to find one of these, but I am pretty sure that whoever manages to sell them will make a fortune.  So here goes, I am flipping my mirror......

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