Feeling sleepy

My daughter loves to sleep.  Who doesn't.  Recently though - and I am certainly playing the timeline down - I have welcomed her into my bed.  My husband travels a lot.  He is often away for 2 or 4 weeks.  So I told myself that a bit of company was allowed.

When was the last time you slept with a baby in your bed?  They roll and thrash about like fish out of water.  They wake you in the middle of the night with fears of them falling off the bed.  But mostly, they cuddle.  They love.  They make wonderfully uncomfortable sleeping companions.

The problem is that now, my daughter prefers to sleep with me.  And dad.  And that doesn't work so well.  In comes the super scary sleep training.  I suspect that this is where nerves of steel come into play.  Or wine.  Or ice-cream. Whatever you need.  Because listening to a crying baba for 10minutes at a time feels like 10 hours.  Torture.  Madness.

Today is day 5.  Watch this space!

debunking the top bunk

Yes, it's a mouthful.  And, if I'm honest, a headfull.  My head is full of swirling advice and timelines and calendars.

By 10 months, your baby should be able to...........WHAT?  And what if she is not.  I was a late bloomer.  So what if she doesn't walk at 9 months like the neighbours' kid.  So what if she still wobbles when she stands, or doesn't have 7 teeth yet?  Have you met my daughter, mr yardstick?  She is friendly, makes brilliant conversation, sleeps through the night and is able to entertain herself for long stretches of time.  And she loves.  She loves with big eyes and a (5tooth bearing) smile that can melt any heart.

She is healthy and tall and happy.  So what if she doesn't leg it across the room.  Yet?

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Anybody out there?

I recently read a blog.  I love to read blogs.  This particular one generally makes my day.  It covers at least 2 of my favourite topics.  Food and babies.

This post asked a question.  It made me think.  It asked how many children you'd like to have.  Wow.  Seems a bit loaded, don't you think?  Well, maybe.  But it also suggested that the answer was more of a heart decision than a head one.  You know how 2 kids fit in a car.  It makes sense.  The author, a mom of 2, then carries on and says that she still feels like there is another baby out there.  A part of her that is still missing.

It had me analysing - how many babies would I like to have?  Who decides?  I have many girlfriends who would love more children, but their husbands disagree.  Sometimes I feel like I'd have a thousand more children, just so I can have those first magical moments with them.  I love being a mom.  I love carrying babies under my heart, as my mom says.   I love nursing.  It feels like I finally know what I want to do.  And whilst being a mom is often not enough (I absolutely have days of self-doubting pity), for now, I find myself thinking and searching for the other ones.  The ones that are still out there.

Sundays

We have a ritual.  A habit.  It's a weekend thing.  We like to go for breakfast.  And then plan our late afternoon lunch.  And, before we head home, we drive around.  Our plan is not to get our baby to sleep (thats a bonus).  We do not have extra, company paid for fuel to waste.

We drive around with the aim of refreshing our castles in the sky.  Some people have the most incredible houses on the beach.  The best view.  We pretend that these are our houses.  We see our family there.  We even build our family there.

And then we go home, watch TV, laze about.  We complain about life.  We make tea.  We plan our lives.  We get sucked into the proverbial blues.  And then we realise that we have so much to live for.  We make soup.  We watch more TV.  We feel energised.  We sleep.

And on Monday, we start to look forward to the next delicious Sunday.

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Jelly

Something happened to me today.  I am not entirely sure at what moment.  I am not even really sure how to word it.  I was going about my day, having a coffee, doing groceries, the usual.  Suddenly, a wave of the most serious emotion smacked me in the face.  Scary stuff.

And, even though I am still unsure what bought this on, I know who or what this emotion got aimed at.  My daughter.   My little gorgeous, precious gift.  It's like I saw her for the first time.  Her little hands, her little smile.  As if I wasn't blown away enough before.  I now walk around scared of how much I feel.  Scared that I will squish her, I am so strong with love.

It's a little bit like being drunk, I suppose.  Feeling a bit unstable.  A little bit wobbly.  Wibble wobble, wibble wobble, jelly on a plate.

Hold your breath

Today is a beautiful day.  Seriously.  For the first time in weeks, the sun is shining.  It's bright outside. It's a new day.  Full of blessings and promise.  And I am holding my breath.

See, it's not only the first sunshiny day in a while.  It is also the day of a very special wedding.  My very special friends' wedding.  I cannot wait for the beauty, the celebration and the emotion of it!

And - because of the beauty that I simply can't miss, it is also the first time I will be leaving my baby with her grandparents.  Over night.  I know that she will be fine.  I know it.  They are parents.  They have done it all before.  (Insert pep-talk here)

Breathe out.........

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Flipping mirror

I have decided.  It's a new year (yes, I know it's March already) and I need to do some tidying.  De-cluttering if you will.  I have already sorted through my daughters cupboard and I have amazing plans to sort out my study.  But the kind of fixing I am more in need of right now is a bit more tricky.  You see, I am in need of a new mirror.  Not entirely sure where to find one of these, but I am pretty sure that whoever manages to sell them will make a fortune.  So here goes, I am flipping my mirror......

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Sidekick powers

If you have ever tried to convince a friend to do a joint grocery shop, chances are you are of the sidekick sort.  I'll explain.

Sometimes your list of things to do will become too long.  And, you won't know where to start.  And, because you don't know where to start, you just won't.  The task at hand seems to be of such epic proportions, that a cup of tea seems like a better idea.  And then another one.

It happens to me all the time.  I become too overwhelmed.  When this happens, I trawl through my phonebook for friends (also housewife types) with the same dilemma.  Because, two or more against the list spells victory.  I can almost smell the coffee at the finish line.

I have no idea

Coming from a bit of a dark blue place, I am trying to figure out why no woman was present when they decided that we should have all the emotions.  And, very often, all of them at the same time.

Now, I know that we were fearfully and wonderfully made.  In Gods image.

But sometimes I am not so sure that all the pieces of my puzzle make sense.  Maybe no yet, anyway.

How is it that having a little baby - a gorgeous, love-filled creature, can make you yearn for a quiet corner?  Somewhere where all noise and thinking is dumbed out.  Sharing my daughter with the world and seeing how much love there is for her blows my mind.  She is amazing and special and beautiful.  She is all of that.  She is a lot.

Sometimes you feel a bit lost.  So you google the feeling.  Because google is the doctor.  You now know even less.  Well done!!

Enter wine.  Wonderful wine.  Why it works so well to help you into the little corner of quiet, I really don't know.  I know I am beginning to sound like a depressed alcoholic.  But, chances are, if you are a mother, it sounds a little bit like the truth.

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Corn on the cob

People say some seriously corny things when they have children.  "Your life will never be the same again."  "It's the best thing I have ever done with my life."  If you asked me what my opinion was a year ago, my answer would have been : "Blah blah blah."

Because, until you taste it for yourself, this particular brand of corn is only yellow.  You cannot describe it in a different way than the pictures you have seen.  There is no truth or taste.  Sweetcorn, for instance, has a delicious moreish burst in the mouth.  But it leaves you with annoying skins in your teeth.

The latter part is not advertised on the packaging.  In the same way (maybe I am extra tired tonight), the goos and gaas are advertised more often than the sleepless nights.  Take a nappy ad for instance.  You only see happy babies.  You never see the potential contents of said nappies.  Because then no one in their right mind would make the purchase.  Except for those who have actually seen the contents.

And that is the beauty of it.  Your life will never be the same.  And it will be the best thing you have ever done or tasted.  Because, even though there will be skins in your teeth; The yellow bursts will make it all so worth it.

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Perfect strangers

I had the unfortunate privilege of taking my husband to the airport this morning.  The problem was not the early morning.  The problem was not that I had only slept for about 4 hours, interrupted.  The problem was that I had to take him to the airport and leave him there.  To go home and wait for me for 2 weeks.

Our baba is only 2 months old.  That's 73 days.  All of those spent in sleepy, loved-up bliss.  And our trip to the airport suggests the start of at least 14 days apart.  Ouch.

Realising this, my heart became big with tears.  You know, aching chest, lumpy throat.  As I stood by the security check point, separated from the love of my life by a semi-frosted pane of glass, I simply couldn't keep my heart from overflowing.  I picked my baby up for comfort.  Yes, I tried to use my daughter to comfort me.

An older lady, keeping a quiet eye on me, came over and offered to look after my pram so that I could get closer to the glass, to say bye.  When I came back, she took my baby from me and held her, so that I could calm down.  A friendly pat on the arm aided my calming.

I'd never met her before.  And in a country where we are forever watching our backs and personal contact seems a lot like reckless behaviour, this stranger was simply perfect.